The first time Alex deployed I kept a journal. We weren’t able to talk very often and I felt that every time he called, I was bursting with excitement and practically forgot everything that I meant to tell or ask him. Although I was still alone each night, it gave me a way to say goodnight. Writing to him seemed like I was keeping him up to date with all of the minuscule things that I never got around to tell him when I got my weekly phone call.
I felt like I was talking to him every night. There were so many times that I just sat there – writing and tearing up. We weren’t married yet, I didn’t know how safe he was, and I didn’t know when he could call me again. I would just write to him and cry. It very much became a habit. After a few months, the writing because associated with getting sad.
This go ‘round, I’m trying really hard to focus on the positives.
- I know he’s safe. I know that we can talk very regularly.
- The deployment should only last three months. We’ve pledged our lives together so in the long run – what’s three months?
- Being apart makes us appreciate the time that we do get to spend together so much more. We always have something to look forward to. This will certainly keep us from getting in a rut like so many couples.
Instead of writing him pages of a journal — going on and on about how much I miss him, I’ve been sending him short, sweet e-mails to wake up to. I’ve tried to keep our conversations positive instead of drilling in the fact that I’m lonely and missing him day after day. What good does that do?
SOOO – instead of me telling YOU how much I miss him. I’m going to share all the things that I’m looking forward doing with him when he gets home. (Don’t worry – I’ll keep this PG) Letter format, because hey:
Question: What’s better than receiving a heart felt personalized letter?
Answer: Squat. aka nothing.
Dear Man o’ mine (Fur Daddy, Mr. Fitness, Blerb, Husband, yadda yadda),
Hello dearest. Sometimes I wonder if you care that the whole world knows our business. I know how much you look forward to these posts though, so my guess is no? Lately you’ve been making me feel so unbelievably appreciated and loved each and every day. You write me silly little e-mails whenever you get an extra second just to tell me that you miss me. You called me this morning when you knew that I would be on my way to work just to brighten my day.
You tell me that you’re proud of me. You always make me feel like you love me exactly how I am. It always feels so wonderful to know that you’re not trying to change me as a person and you accept me and all my weirdness. You love me when I’m nasty, smelly, annoying, hungry (I get mean!), and when I have strange illnesses (like super chapped lips for over a month).
As much as I love fall (and every other season), I’m already looking forward to winter. Not because of the beautiful white snow or even because of Christmas (and you know that I love Christmas!!), but solely because you’ll be back at home.
Here are a few things that I dream about every night:
- Decorating the Christmas tree together
- Watching Bailey mentally freak out because of his first snow
- Fires in the fireplace
- Hot chocolate and Disney movies
- Snuggling all night because it’s so freakin’ cold in our bedroom
- You writing notes on my windshield before work through the ice
- The Heisman (Insanity style)
- Espressos on Saturday mornings
- Watching the kids at church dress up and reenact the First Christmas (how cute were the little sheep??)
- Getting made fun of by the noise that I may or may not make as I shovel snow
- Getting sidelined as you sing karaoke
- Listening to you sing “I Feel Pretty” as you get ready for work in the morning
- Christmas decoration shopping the first few days after Christmas
- Taking a vacation in January
- Slow dancing to “At Last” by Etta James in the kitchen while we cook “bfast or bslow”
I could go on and on. But I gotta leave some for another day!! You’re an amazing husband, a wonderful best friend, and the person that I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with.
Whenever I need a quick pick-me-up, I think about that morning that we were being complete goof balls and you turned to me and said, “I hope our kids are just like you.” How awesome are you? You really know how to make a girl feel special! I thing that I’m going to hold on to ya for awhile. Sound good?
Love you to the moon and back and sprinkles on top,
The needy little one.