Wedding Word Barf + Embarrassing Story

Have you ever had a case of word barf? You know, word vomit or word diarrhea (why is that the hardest word to spell by the way??).

Word barf: An uncontrollable disease by which the perpetrator spills random, useless information to an unbeknownst bystander. Spells have been known to go on for hours and are only cease when the bystander realizes what is happening and walks away.

Example: What may start by a simple comment like, “You’re shirt is beautiful,” may turn into a twenty minute story of where they purchased it, how much it was, what mall the went to, the time of day, what they had for breakfast, and how his/her car ran out of gas on the way.

Regretfully, I am a huge word barf perp! My poor waiters and waitresses!

Waiter: “What can I get you to eat?”

Me: “Well, we’re going to start with the crab dip. We’re splitting it. Then — I’m going to have the club sandwich and he is going to have the French Dip. We’re actually going to be splitting those as well. Neither of us had a big lunch so we’re pretty hungry. Don’t worry we don’t always get this much.”

Alex always gives me a hard time. “Babe, they don’t care how hungry you are or if we’re splitting it — just tell them what you want!”

I feel like I always need to explain things though.

Now that you have a clear idea of what constitutes word barf, you can appreciate the following.

Recently I’ve been chatting with one of our family friends, Jodi. She happens to be a wedding and event coordinator in Florida! On Monday evening she asked me multiple, small questions about the wedding day that I have yet to think about. Sure we have the menu, the cake, the flowers, and of course the location picked out. We’ve met with our pastor and started planning the vows. We had a meeting with the DJ.

What about the small details?

  • Who is going to be responsible for making sure we all walk down the aisle at the right time?
  • Is the caterer in charge of setting our centerpieces out or is that left up to us?
  • What under garments am I where the day of the wedding?
  • What things do I want to have at the Bed and Breakfast with me?
  • How long does it take to get our hair and make-up done?
  • What intimate time will Alex and I get to spend together throughout the day?
  • Do my shoes require me to wear band-aids? (don’t judge my non-heels wearing feet!)
  • What’s my jewelry situation going to be?

Little details. I was assured that they are nothing to stress about and all those details will fall into place. However, they’re still something to think about?

If you’re married — How did you tackle these small details leading up the wedding?

If you’re not — Do you think these are things you are going to stress about?

Let’s move on to my embarrassing story for the day, shall we?

Sometimes I do really strange things throughout the night. Sometimes I simply talk in my sleep, while other times I do unbelievably, flat-out weird things. Last night happened to be one of those nights.

Apparently last night I got hot in the middle of the night (which is definitely not uncommon) and I stuck my legs outside of the covers. After a few hours, clearly I got chilly.

Instead of just sticking my legs back under the covers to get warm, I dreamily thought it would be a better idea to put on a pair PJ paints. ALSO, instead of just reaching down and picking up the pair on the ground, I decided to open the drawer of my nightstand.

I pulled out what I thought was a pair of pants and pulled them on. This is where the problem was. I could not get these pants on for the life of me! I pulled and pulled! I remember hearing some fabric ripping, but still I did not have enough sense to wake up and stop!

That’s all I remember from last night.

This morning I woke up and was wrapped up like a 250 year old mummy. The pants… well they were NOT pants.

It was a long-sleeved shirt!! I had stuck both of my legs in the arm holes and wrapped the rest of the shirt around me. I was so embarassed, I quickly pulled the shirt off before Alex could see! After about twenty minutes of being awake, I decided to spill the beans.

He couldn’t stop laughing! His only response was — “Yeah, I was wondering why there were a bunch of buttons in our sheets!”


Buttons in my sheets! Can you imagine?!

What’s the craziest thing you’ve done in your sleep?


4 thoughts on “Wedding Word Barf + Embarrassing Story

  1. Bhahaha! That is hilarious!! Made my day!

    I hired a day planner for the wedding, so will be working on all these details for us, well most of them. I’m hoping the other things will just work themselves out 🙂

  2. Bahaha, your pant story made me snicker at my desk 🙂 Unfortunately I don’t have any funny sleep stories bc I’m pretty much dead to the world once I fall asleep.

  3. Pingback: Funny Google Terms | Life With a Crazy Pup

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